


Just Give Me the Goddamn Coffee

by moviemind1219



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Les Amis de l'ABC Shenanigans, M/M, Multi, Starbucks, Tags Are Fun, because Enjolras is a caffeine addict, but WHY did they choose starbucks, he just came out here to have a good time and he's honestly feeling so attacked right now, hilarity ensues with their order and the barista trying to pronounce their names, i mean he really tries, the musain was closed and they needed somewhere to go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-10 08:12:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2017554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moviemind1219/pseuds/moviemind1219
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Musain is closed and Les Amis need somewhere to have their meeting. They end up in a Starbucks, where the Barista hilariously pronounces their very French names.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Give Me the Goddamn Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a late night joke, and it's become my very first solo fic. I hope you find it as funny as I do.

One day a year, the owner of the Cafe Musain closes his doors unexpectedly and without warning and takes his hardworking staff on a mini-daycation. This year they would have their "Musainpalooza" in Disney World and the barhands could not have been more excited. However, when the news was announced there was one female bartender, with dark curly hair who smiled along with everyone else until she froze when she realized what day it was.

She whispered, "It's Thursday."

"What was that Musichetta?" asked the owner.

"Oh nothing, just saying that it's  _Thursday_ ," started Musichetta, "and it just so happens to be the day of the week a certain activist group, with a very blonde and very temperamental leader, comes and has their meeting in the back room."

As Chetta was talking, everyone around her had fallen silent. _It_   _was Thursday_. Horror soon crept onto the face of the proprietor of the Musain. _  
_

"I forgot they came on Thursdays."

"Yeah."

He sighed and shrugged turning to face the rest of his employees, "Hey, it's already paid for. I'll put a sign on the door and face Blondie's wrath when we get back. Now let's go to Disney!!"

The employees of the Musain cheered and began to get ready, some running home to grab sunscreen and sunglasses. As her friends gathered their things and talked about meeting their favorite childhood characters, Musichetta waved the owner over to her.

"Have you seen Enjolras mad, monsieur?"

"Yeah, of course. I've been to a few protests and I always watch the segments on the news. He's very passionate and his speeches are always impressive. He knows how to rally a crowd."

"Have you ever seen Enjolras mad  _at you_?" asked Musichetta while leaning towards her boss.

The man hesitated before visibly swallowing.

"He can't be that bad, can he?"

Musichetta raised her eyebrows so high they disappeared into her hairline.

"Should I fear for tomorrow?"

"I'll put one of my boyfriends, Joly, on standby. He's a doctor."

***

The note on the door simply said:

"TODAY IS MUSAINPALOOZA.

WE ARE CLOSED BECAUSE WE ARE PARTYING IT UP IN DISNEY WORLD.

WE WILL RE-OPEN TOMORROW.

SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE"

And in small, recognizable swirly script in the corner a sidenote: Sorry Enjolras...I tried. - M

***

The Les Amis arrived one by one to their favorite establishment and saw the note in turn.

Courfeyrac was first.

"Awww I wanna go to Disney World!"

Combeferre was soon after.

" _Shit_ somebody needs to call Enjolras, this is not good. Not good at all." The man pushed up his glasses and began to pace back and forth. Courfeyrac grabbed his friend by the shoulders to stop him.

He said, "Ferre, he's going to. Freak. Out." Combeferre nodded in agreement, and Courf suddenly burst into hysterical giggles squeaking, "Oh my Patria he's going to be so mad."

Laughter is contagious and by the time Jehan strolled up twirling his braid, Courf and Ferre were on the ground clutching their sides they were laughing so hard.  Jean Prouvaire read the note on the door, then back at his friends.

"Are you imagining how angry Mr. Revolution is gonna be when he sees this?" asked the floral printed poet. Courfeyrac gasped out a yes and continued giggling like a little schoolgirl. 

Joly and Bossuet were next to arrive. Seeing the sign in the door at the same time, they simultaneously said:

"I can't believe she went to Disney without us-"

Bossuet huffed, "She better bring me back a stuffed Goofy."

"She better not go on any of those log splash rides. The germs Bossuet, can you imagine  _the germs_ ," Joly shivered and Bossuet put his arm around the man beside him.

Marius and Cosette joined the group who found themselves sitting on the ground outside the Musain, Joly stood. Joly would bite off his own hand before sitting on a city sidewalk. When the others told the lovebirds what was going on, Cosette simply put a hand to her mouth and breathed and "Oh my." Marius had looked at Courf and simply asked,

"Why don't we do a 'Les Amis-palooza' and go to Disney World?"

Courf opened his mouth, but Combeferre responded, "Do YOU want to hear Enjolras talk about workers' rights for 9 hours in  _Disney World_ ?" Marius blanched and sat down along his comrades.

Feuilly, Bahorel, and Eponine stumbled up complaining about their train being late when they caught the sorry sight of their friends sitting in one long line along the concrete.

"Do we even wanna know?" Feuilly asked.

Everyone pointed at the sign in the door. All three read the sign, then joined everyone else on the ground. Eponine was the only one to ask a very good question,

"Where is Enjolras? He's never late."

"Where's Grantaire?" wondered Bahorel aloud.

Ferre took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose while Courfeyrac groaned. Jehan began clapping with delight. The rest of the group slowly caught on.  _They were together._  Some laughed, there were whispers of "finally," but most just smiled knowing that their friends were together and happy at last.

The man in red and his dark haired companion were hand in hand a few blocks away from the Musain. R pulled his boyfriend into an alleyway and fiercely kissed him. Enjolras returned the sentiment with zealous. When they broke away after what seemed like an eternity, Enjolras brought them back to reality.

"Grantaire, we are very late," he whispered huskily into his lover's ear.

Grantaire wanted to protest. No Grantaire wanted to go back to his apartment with this blonde god and have his way with him until dawn. But they couldn't do that two night in a row, and R knew how important these meetings were to Enjolras.

"Alright Apollo, let's go." Grantaire pushed away from the wall, grabbed his boyfriend's hand once again, and began walking.

"I hope Combeferre started the meet-" Enjolras broke off as soon as they rounded the corner to see all their friends outside, not inside, Cafe Musain.

Enjolras's second in command stood up and looked his friend in the eyes.

"Enjolras, what I need you to do is take a deep breath," he then steered their fearless leader towards the door, where the sign was posted in the window.

Enjolras read the sign once and couldn't believe what it said. He read it again and again, each time his face getting redder, his breathing becoming more and more labored. He opened his mouth half a dozen times and couldn't form a sentence.

" _Oh shit_ , the Kraken is about to be unleashed boys," Grantaire whispered. And as if the cynic could predict the future, Enjolras exploded.

"MUSAIN-PALOOZA?!" Enjolras shouted. He then shrieked. Later he would come to deny that he made such a noise but a window shattering, a car alarm going on, several infants crying, and his friends jumping at the horrific sound would refute this claim. He threw his arms up and started pacing.

"You can practically see the smoke coming out of his ears," Courf whispered into Jehan's ear. The poet proceeded to laugh into his hand.

"Of all days, he had to pick a Thursday!"

"Why don't we just cancel today's meeting?"asked Bahorel.

Les Amis gasped, in fear of Bahorel's safety. Enjolras snapped his head around so far and so fast, an owl would be impressed.

"Cancel?" he hissed through his teeth. "WE CANNOT CANCEL A MEETING BAHOREL ARE YOU INSANE?" He rushed to lash out at his friend. Grantaire grabbed his boyfriend around the waist and dragged him away before he could do any real damage.

"Why don't we just have the meeting somewhere else today?" someone said quietly. Enjolras searched for the source, and of course it was the sweet Cosette.

"That's actually not a bad idea," Enjolras said and Grantaire saw that he was visibly beginning to calm down.

"Ok what's absolutely necessary for us to have at this place?" Combeferre asked.

Half of Les Amis said, "Coffee."

"Caffeine addicts, the lot of you," accused Joly.

"Alright let's find a coffee shop."

***

In hindsight, Starbucks was actually a very bad idea.

***

They looked hilarious, this group of friends walking into the Seattle-based coffee chain. It had begun to rain outside when they ran into their little cohort Gavroche. They told him their predicament. He scratched his chin and smiled up at his friends.

"Coffee you say? There's a Starbucks right down the street." He took off and everyone followed, running close behind. They clambered through the door one by one and shook the rain out of their hair as they approached the counter to order. Jehan heard the Barista and a girl behind the counter talking.

"Oh my god."

"Here we go this is what we've trained for, I'll make the drinks while you take their orders," said the boy. Jehan smiled and told Courf what he just heard. They shared a laugh and joined the others in the line.

Each member of the group gave their order and their name to be written on their cup. They managed to find a table with a ton of chairs and chatted idly while their beverages were being prepared. 

It started fine.

"A grande cafe mocha for Bahorel?" The big goof went up to grab his cup and rejoined the others sipping the warm chocolaty goodness.

It went downhill from there.

"Tall white hot chocolate for Cause-it?"

No response.

"Is there someone named Cause-it here? Tall white hot chocolate?"

Realizing it was her name being called, Cosette went up to get her drink and didn't correct the Barista but thanked him. She's too polite.

"Eep-oh-nine? Is there an Eep-oh-nine here?"

Eponine stalked up to the counter and simply growled, "It's Eponine  _you twat_."

"This is going to be a long shift," the Barista groaned. The girl working the counter giggled.

"An iced caramel macchiatto for a Fay-oo-illy? Fee-oo-eye-lee?"

Feuilly sighed, walked up to the counter, grabbed his drink and looked the man in the eye and said, "I taught myself how to read, maybe you should too." He took a chug and began to walk back to the others. He turned and said, "It's Feuilly by the way."

***

"Black coffee for a _o_ _h Jesus_ Calm-bah-furry? Comb-beh-feray?"

***

"Double chocolate chip frappuchino for a Coo-fay-rah-ck? Coor-fee-wreck?"

" _Just give me the goddamn coffee."_

***

"Berry refresh for Gee-an Prow-vuh-eye-ree?"

***

"An ice water for Jolly?"

***

"A vanilla soy-latte frap half whip double pump caramel with a hint of espresso and whipped cream on the side for a Marie-us?"

"Close enough."

"You pretentious ass, how does that even taste good?" asked Eponine when Marius returned with monstrous "venti" drink.

" _How do you get whipped cream on the side?_ " Jehan asked Courfeyrac. The man next to him choked and spit out some of his frap. 

"It just does Eep-oh-nine," Marius said punching his longtime friend in the shoulder.

They tuned back into the debate Enjolras and Grantaire were having. The group's topics had gone from workers' rights in Disney World (Combeferre brought it up anyway) to the ridiculousness of the names of Starbucks products.

"I mean come on, Venti? Just call it what it is: freaking large!" Grantaire had said.

"They're trying to be original R, you have to give them credit for that," Enjolras countered.

Before Grantaire could respond they were interrupted by the very exasperated voice of the Barista.

"Gav-row-chay? Gav-rotch-ee?"

Gavroche ran up to the Barista and grabbed his cup. The guy stopped him.

"Hey kid! Hey, I'm uh- I'm really sorry to you and all your friends. I mean, I took Spanish in high school."

Gavroche waved him off. "It's really not a big deal. It's hilarious and to be honest our names are very French, everyone struggles."

***

"A decaf cappuccino for a Bow-sweat? Bow-soo-ette?"

***

"A triple espresso for a -  _oh God come on_ \- Enn-yol-raz? Ahn-jol- oh forget it, a guy with a really really French name that begins with and E?" The Barista all but yelled. He seemed to be on the verge of a panic attack, he hated getting names wrong and this group of French persons really brought his anxiety out. _  
_

"It's Enjolras. Thank you for trying though," Enjolras said the latter a little more quietly. Enjolras returned to his friends.

The man smiled at the blonde's back and turned to the girl working with him.

"There's one left, I can't do this anymore, I'll watch the counter." They switched roles and the girl made the drink and called out the name.

"A grande coffee extra cream and sugar with a shot of espresso for R?"

" _Are you fucking kidding me?_ " the Barista angrily whispered at his co-worker. _  
_

"That's what it says on the cup."

The Barista slammed his head against the back wall a couple of times and when he finished the man in question- R had come up to collect his beverage. 

"My real name is Grantaire, but I've been to many a Starbucks in my life and I've heard every iteration of my name from Graint-eye-ray to Grahn-tario, so I just go with my nickname."

"Smart choice," said the girl.

The Barista banged his head against the counter muttering, "I hate my life." When he lifted his head, Grantaire was looking at him.

"Hey, at least we didn't bring our other friends. Their names are even Frenchier if you can imagine that." Grantaire laughed when the Barista paled.

Grantaire went back to his friends. The group spent the rest of the afternoon laughing and telling stories instead of getting any real work done.

R kissed the side of his boyfriend's head.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

***

A few days later the Barista was cleaning the machinery when a customer came in. A pretty girl with dark wavy hair. The girl behind the counter took her order.

"Hi what would you like?"

"Hmmmm I'll try that Oprah-shaken iced tea- tall please."

"Okay, what's your name?"

"Musichetta."

The Barista's hand slips on the espresso machine sending coffee beans flying everywhere.

"Sorry!"

A few minutes later:

"Tall shaken iced tea for one Musichetta."

"Thank you, very much. You know, no one's ever pronounced my name correctly at a Starbucks before," Chetta said smiling at him sweetly.

"I've had a lot of practice."

Musichetta leaves and the Barista continues to make drinks for people with boring names.

"Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte for a Gene Val-Gene?"

A very tall and muscular man with a strong brow comes to collect the very dainty cup.

"My name is Jean Valjean."

His friend pops up beside him cheerfully shouting, "And I'm Javert!"

"Oh you've got to be kidding me."

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought! I love any comments or corrections. <3 moviemind1219


End file.
